Big Wheel(s) Keep on Turning

Well I bought a bike. A real bike. So I guess its official. I am going to begin training for a triathlon. The idea for this came up when I started running with the Pacers Running Group a few weeks back. They do this cool running event called Joggers and Lagers at Port City Brewing Company in Alexandria VA. Side note: If you have not been, do make it a point to stop by. They feature a bunch of craft beers that are delicious. Over the course of these three weeks I met some folks that have completed several triathlons of various lengths and types (who knew there were different types!!!). I must look like a complete sucker to them, because now I have a $1000 bike and am looking at lap times at the local aquatic center to start swimming. What is wrong with ME?! Its actually very cool.

Back to the bike. I am pretty darn pumped about the new bike. Over the last year or so I have been riding a Mongoose mountain bike. It was a gift from some special folks (THANK YOU Big Dave and Nancy!) and it served its purpose for a while. However, it was heavy and not well situated for the type of riding I want to do. My new two wheeled ride is a Specialized Allez Sport 2017. Look at it! Its made out of space components brought back directly from Mars. At least it feels that way.

I tested it out today after picking it up from my local bike shop Spokes etc. and got a good work out in on Shirlington Hill on the way to and from the gym. Just the very fact I didn't die on the way down was promising. My feelings about the purchase were equally reinforced by being able to bike up the hill by using the proper gear ratio. Up to this point I had to walk my mountain bike up the hill and feel like a complete failure in the process. So not only does this help me physically, but also its a big boost to my self-esteem.

So the truth is I don't know much about bikes. I mean I know they have two wheels and brakes and pedals. I also know it's painful to ride long distances on a bike that is not designed for such activities. Let's hope that this bike purchase will get me into a strategic endurance exercise that will not only get me ready for a triathlon, but also help me with my running. Since I plan to run a marathon next year it would be ideal if I could plan for a triathlon a month out as a good training race. Just thinking out loud at this point, but it certainly would make for some variety in training. Variety is the spice of life or so they say. Based on my first marathon training experience, I need to do more cross training or I will likely suffer the same fate with injuries. I wish to avoid that fate at all costs.

A note about owning a competitive bike. It's expensive. I had no idea there was so much freaking equipment that was necessary to ride a bike. Seeing as I am not Donald Drumph, I will have to be incremental about buying things. I already have a good helmet and water bottle. However, I have zero cycling clothing paraphernalia. I need some diapers to alleviate the butt soreness. Can't they figure out how to make those seats more comfortable???

I will continue to update my post here as I ride more. If any of you have any suggestions for starting from scratch on a road bike in the hopes to get to 50 miles at some point, please do post some thoughts in the comments.

Update #1 - First ride planned for Sept 8 to Gravelly Point. More to follow.

Update #2 - First ride completed. It was muggy. Very glad I went in the morning as highs were expected around 100 with the heat index. I was on the commuter trail so I had to battle a bunch of stressed out riders this morning. A little crowded, but not too bad. I enjoyed the ride. I went out to 6.3 miles just past Gravelly Point and then came back through Shirlington. I was not fast, but felt like I didn't max exert either. My legs felt really good. The bike handled well. I am still getting the feel for the gears and knowing when to shift. Work in progress. I need to also learn the hand signals for turning. I get the feeling that could be important at some point. I finished my ride going up Shirlington Hill. I was slow and methodical. The legs were screaming and I was definitely huffing. Hopefully with more ride time, that will get easier. The key here is that I enjoyed it and look forward to my next ride.

Running is life

Running is the best therapy a person can want. A dose of medicine for what ails you. Over the last six plus years I have experienced the full range of F you's that life can throw at a person. From my wife passing away and leaving me a solo parent of a year old baby to my mom's painful and terminal battle with cancer last year, I have been through the emotional ringer. You learn some serious life lessons through those kinds of ordeals. It challenges you in ways you are unfamiliar with. As life is want to do, there have been some high points. I have traveled and seen many wonderful places and met many wonderful new people. I have watched my son grow up in front of my eyes into a wonderful kid. The light of my life as it turns out. No matter what good or bad things may have been thrust in my path, one constant has been running. It helps center me and give me hope that its going to be just fine. Keep moving forward, one foot in front of the other.

Running has given me something over these last six plus years that I haven't found anywhere else. A happy place. It took me a while to figure that out. I started out as a mile guy. One mile for 10 minutes. Sometimes longer than that. The distance and time didn't matter though. I was out there. In the rain, the snow, the cold, the heat - I did not care. I wasn't even really sure why I started to run initially. It eventually became about being a better father through improved health and fitness. But at first I think it was just to release some of the pent up anger and sadness I had in me. Running was the only thing that seemed to work. It made me feel good for 10-12 minutes. It was all I had. But the one thing I didn't count on was the self- confidence. It made me feel good about myself again.

Flash forward to today. I run five days a week. I generally run anywhere from 4 to 10 miles. I work on pace and hill repeats and breathing. I own multiple pairs of running shoes. I have a wall devoted to running bibs and medals. However, the joy of running is still about the time spent pounding pavement or navigating trails. My happy place. The one part of my day where I feel in control and alive. It doesn't even have to be a good run. Some of them aren't. It is never about the result. It's the act. The joy of one foot in front of the other. The simplest of things. The motion of living. Always moving forward and never looking back. There is something good about the simplicity of it. Mind resolute, sweat pouring, wind at my back or in my face - I run to be alive.

It has occurred to me that the very nature of running is the perfect metaphor for life. The very act of taking that next step is the struggle we all experience every day. Sometimes those steps come easy and free. We want to take those steps. They are joy. Other times it takes everything you have in you to take that next step. Its painful and agonizing. No matter how it feels though, you do it and when you do there is a sense of accomplishment. A sense that you broke through a barrier. You can do anything. There is no other feeling like it.

I ran a marathon in October of 2014. It was my first and to date my only marathon. I picked it as a goal in March of 2014 based on my desire to do something outrageous and running 26.2 miles fit the bill. I don't know if I truly believed I could do it. At that time I hadn't even run my original running goal of 10 miles. I had no idea how to even train for something like a marathon. All I knew was that I had a girlfriend who loved running and was training for it with me, so at least I wasn't doing it alone. The training went really well early on. I crushed my first 10 mile race, then a half-marathon, then another half-marathon. I got faster and faster and my confidence level spiked. I felt great. After my second half marathon, roughly a month before the marathon, I started to feel my IT band complaining about the mileage. Being a rookie at this, I ignored it. I was one month away from my goal. Just push through I told myself. The IT band issue got worse. No surprise right? I had to start my taper two weeks out, just hoping it would heal enough for the race. It didn't. So I ran the race of my life at less than 100%. 26.2 miles of pain every time my foot hit the pavement. I could look at this as just a painful experience - however, that race taught me as much about myself as anything else I have ever done. I summoned the strength and willpower from somewhere deep inside me to put one foot in front of other and just GO! I experienced the full gamut of emotions while running. It took everything. Crossing that finish line was one of the defining moments of my life. I felt alive. Through the pain and the sweat and the tears I accomplished something I would never have dreamed of before I began this journey. The hugs of congratulations and love that waited for me beyond the runners pen vindicated all of the hard work and hours of  training spent preparing for this moment. Isn't that what life is about? You set goals, you work towards those goals, you have people who support you and love through all of the good and bad, and when you are finished you feel a sense of accomplishment.

I plan to continue running. I don't know if I ever will stop. Running is just part of my life. It weaves its way through my days and no matter what else is going on in my life is there for me when I need it. I always look forward to the next adventure on my feet. I encourage anyone who has not considered running as a means by which to better yourself to do so. Just set aside some time, lace up some athletic shoes, and go out and put one foot in front of the other. I bet you will return with something valuable.

Long Burner or Spark Chaser - How do you romantically relate?

From time to time I receive an email from medium.com for a blog article that really grabs my attention. My initial interest is usually based on the title or the picture that appears with the title and as a result, many times I end up reading something less than satisfying. On this morning I was grabbed. I clicked on the link and found myself reading through some thoughts of one Sara Michener, who is self-described as a feminist and spitfire in her profile. Interesting for sure.  I have not previously read any of her posts on medium.com, but her thoughts on relationships struck me. I find them to be spot on.

Sara pushes the concept of knowing what kind of relationship you want. She defines two categories that one can fall into. In order to determine which category you fall into, the key is being honest about yourself based on your dating experience. This honesty thins is not as easy as it sounds. There are specific things that you need to analyze and accept about yourself. If you cannot do so, then Sara concludes that perhaps you should not be in a relationship at all.  I think being honest with yourself applies to a great many things in life, but for some reason many of us have a real problem with assessing what we want based on what has and hasn't worked. We tend to fall into the same traps over and over. Beware of peer pressure or societal norms that steer you one way or the other too as nobody is going to really know you the way you do. There are enough examples out there of people who live out their lives in terrible relationships pretending that they are happy. The goal is not to be one of those people.

So the two types of relationships Sara introduces in her post are called long-burner and spark-chaser. There is no in-between here so the honesty part discussed above plays a crucial role in making sure you pick the right one. A long-burner is essentially a monogamist at heart. This person is looking for a partner to traverse the journey of life with. The love factor of the relationship takes a back seat here. Its not that it isn't important, but a true long-burner realizes that the feeling of being "in love" will ebb and flow over time. The desire to have a companion is what drives you forward. I will add from my own experience that a long-burner must be able to weather the 'love droughts' as I like to call them. To focus on the aspects of the relationship that form the foundation and greet the return of love when it is ready to return. I have seen examples of relationships where people have placed all of their eggs into the basket of companionship and love frankly just doesn't play much of a role. Perhaps it did at some point. We are talking about the fiery intense kind of love that one expects to feel in a committed relationship. It seems weird to say but this kind of relationship is okay, because of the misplaced notions of the importance of romantic love in long term relationships. I believe that this kind of relationship is more frequently the case then the ones who have survived decades in the sublime grip of romantic love. That kind of love is not for everyone as Sara points out.

So what are the factors that make someone want to be a long-burner? Well they can be as fundamental as a sense of family, a desire of belonging, a need to care for others and a recognized importance on companionship. These are the kinds of feelings that take time to develop and as you do, the partners will come to rely on them more and more. Sara believes that this does not mean romance and concepts of love should not be fostered. I agree. In fact, those concepts are still key to making a relationship last or at least fun. They just don't need to be there all the time and take center stage. If you are seeking the love excitement akin to what it feels like when you first start dating, then you are more likely in the second category.

A spark-chaser is someone that wants that Everly Brothers loving feeling each and every day. They seek the euphoric joy of the first kiss, first orgasm, first I love you and value that over any sense of companionship or care-giving. To me this is what I call young love. This is what young people feel when they first start dating, before they know any other aspect of a real relationship. This can also be described as polyamory. Basically, you value the short term feelings of romance and are willing to end relationships with people to seek it out with new partners. Sara's primary thoughts about this form of relationship is that the involved people need to be up front about what they want. These relationships can last six months, one year, several years. It all depends on how long that feeling of love is strong. I have a friend or two who definitely fall into this category and both of them got there by trying to be a long-burner first and coming to the realization that they just don't have the emotional wellspring to make it work. They both seem much better off for their decisions now. This commentary is not meant to be a determination of value. Both categories have their pros and cons. It is more important that those of that seek out relationships with others determine which one we fall into so we are not deceiving ourselves and partners.

The most compelling aspect of Sara's blog to me is the part where she discusses ending a relationship. She talks about those people who use the rationale that they just aren't in love any longer. They are not "feeling it" anymore. To use her words,

"Certainly, there are other reasons to end a relationship that are perfectly valid. But if you’re ending it because you’re not feeling it anymore, you never felt the desire for monogamy as it actually exists in the first place. Figure out who you are, what you want, and be that. The only people who can have both are those few who are very, very good at polyamory."

I think anyone who has had those words said to them can relate to the feelings of anger and hurt that often go along with them. It feels like a cop out - like the person saying the words just doesn't know what else to say. What it means is that they weren't being honest with themselves and you. That is a difficult form of betrayal to get over. Sara would like for people to decide what they want out of relationship and be honest about it. She writes her blog as if this is a very cut and dry decision. I am of the mind that emotions and feelings of the romantic nature are not cut and dry by their very nature. I believe this choice can really only be made after years of dating and finding yourself. Perhaps the answer is to start out as poly and move towards monogamy if that constant turnover of romantic partners gets old. It can be hard to really know yourself when it comes to love and typically the best learning experiences come from the relationships that hurt the most. The key will be to know the difference and act on it.

To add on to Sara's thoughts, I have learned to believe in the concept that love is a feeling of want and not need. I know that conceptually love is portrayed in stories about a life or death kind of thing. However, I think in most cases that is not the case. Love is a strong desire for someone. It is the want of something intangible that you can't quite put into words or express materially. I can understand why people get confused and mistake it for need. It feels like a need at times. If your love goes unrequieted, you feel as if you will cease to exist. Of course physically, this isn't true. I do think a particularly difficult ending to a relationship can change a person - make them a shell of their former self. It is not the end though and for most another will come along to replace the feelings that were lost. Regardless of whether you fall into the category of a long-burner or a spark-chaser, it is best to realize the importance of love as a want and not a need. I think it will influence the actions you take in your relationship to a degree that will make a difference for the better.

Please take the time to read Sara's blog. She does a great job of distinguishing the categories and presenting a strong argument for both. She doesn't pretend one is better than the other, but makes it clear that you are better off knowing which one you belong in. I hope you find it as helpful as I did.

DC Coffee Express - La Colombe

Haha! I am back and totally caffeinated to the brain box. I ventured back into our nation's capital to find more coffee goodness yesterday and this time I chose La Colombe as my watering hole of the week. Programming note: I plan to reduce my coffee house visits to once per week. With school starting back for my son, I likely won't be making it into the city quite as often. Boooo. I am sad about this, but the facts are the facts.

Alright back to our regularly scheduled programming. La Colombe has a couple of locations in DC and I chose the 6th Street location as it was close to a scheduled lunch date in the City Center. For whatever reason, traffic that day was not just bad, but epicly bad. No seeming reason other than the usual people suck at driving and there are hundreds of cars on the same roads going to the same place at the same time. From a location stand point though, La Colombe is just down the street from the Verizon Center and Chinatown. It is walking distance to City Center and Gallery Place. So there are lots of options for fun nearby once you get your caffeine fix.

Ambiance

See! Bricks!

The facility is brick. Lots of brick. I kind of liked it. I went to a university that had brick court yards, buildings, fountain and walk ways so for me it felt a little like college (what I remember of it anyways). However, if you prefer more modern design to the more rustic brick structures then by all means go somewhere else. It has a clean and simple design that was visually appealing for me. The space is open when you walk in with the coffee bar directly in front. I was greeted warmly and quickly by the barista. The seating inside is nothing to shout about, but certainly serviceable for sitting down to get some work or reading in.
There was a very small upstairs, but it only fits a couple of people at the same table. Its kind of a cool area if you find it available. My one complaint was how cold it was inside. I mean they keep the temperature inside like a meat locker. Very refreshing when you first walk in from the heat, but after about 20 minutes you need a parka or to be a penguin. Perhaps that was just an anomaly. Note to restaurants: Temperature control is very important. The music was very upbeat featuring all kinds of rock n' roll. This was the first coffee place that played primarily this genre of music and it I LOVED it. The music was a little loud however, and at one point when it was more crowded the noise factor definitely inhibited being able to work. Fortunately this was the case only for about 30 minutes or so, and before and after this point the noise levels were fine. In all, there is a comfort factor that works. I spent two very enjoyable hours inside and enjoyed the experience.

Rating: 4.5 (only because of noise level and the AC being on permafrost)

Coffee

La Colombe features many of the same options you will find in other coffee spots in DC. They have pour overs, red eyes, cold brew to include draft lattes! I had not seen that before, but I am not much of a latte drinker so I skipped it. I noticed that many customers were ordering the drink on a hot day, so it must have some redeeming value. I decided to order a Kenyan pour over.  I am a sucker for a good pour over evidently. It featured a smooth finish with fruity overtones. There was no bitterness. It came served in a ceramic mug with interesting art work befitting of the African origin of the roast. For $6 it was a little over priced, but I am not going to deny the deliciousness. I also tried a cortado for $3. It had nice presentation in a clear glass cup, as it should be. It was not as sweet as other cortados (i.e. The Royal), but it featured a smooth and balanced flavor profile with a hint of creaminess.

Rating: 5

Kenyan Pour Over

Cortado

Food

I did not try any food, but what I saw was pretty standard pastry fare. Again, not sure why more coffee houses do not focus more on the food side of things. I won't beat that dead horse again.

Rating: NA

Overall

I thoroughly enjoyed La Colombe. From the location to the architecture and set up and definitely the coffee it is a winner. Only a couple of minor complaints about noise levels and the AC being a bit too cranked up put a blemish on the experience. To me this is primarily a coffee joint. I didn't see many folks eating and there really is nothing but carbohydrate bombs to be bought anyhow. The coffee is really good though. If you like lattes you will have to try the draft latte and let me know how it is in the comments. It would be wasted money for me to even try it. I would put this up against most coffee houses I have visited so far in terms of overall quality. Do check it out, won't you?

Final Rating: 4

Just another piece of internet dating advice...

Dating is one of those mysteries of life for most guys. Even those that claim to have it figured out have a tough time explaining it to the rest of the masses in a way that makes any sense. However, most men you talk to will tell you that they look forward to spending an evening with a beautiful lady. There is something just undeniable about attraction. When a date goes well and there is that connection through finding some common ground and laughing, you just feel euphoric. There is nothing quite like it. Getting the dating thing right can be tricky though. Even where those first few dates go really well, maintaining that momentum and keeping a relationship healthy is difficult at best. The nice thing is that the internet is ripe with "experts" to help you out. Right? Yea, right.

I recently found one such article where the author Abbie Kopf offers some pretty simple advice on dating. I know. You will believe it when you read it. Well do it. Read it. I think you will find that the advice will strike you as being honest and true in a way that might actually be helpful the next time you are trying to figure out if someone is being real or not. So let me break it down, because its pretty freaking simple. Her advice is that "if a person is into you they will find a way to be with you. No exceptions." Just think about that for a second. It seems like a no brainer, but how often do you find that someone is playing mystery games and you get can't get enough or you are pining after someone that just doesn't show any interest? It happens all the time. Sure sometimes a person playing hard to get is intriguing, but eventually it gets old and frustrating. Sometimes you just have to know when to say enough is enough. Not only is it simple, but it applies to all kinds of relationships. Whether you are hetero or gay, woman or man, young or old this piece of advice applies to you.

Let me give you a real example using my love life right now. My ex girlfriend moved out of our home five plus weeks ago. Since that time, I have literally done everything in my power to hold onto what I lost. If she took the time to look, it would be easy for her to see that I am still fully engaged and trying. However, the result of my efforts have simply been frustration, anger, and dejection. My ex has told me over and over that she just wants to live her life. That she doesn't regret her decision. All the signs point to me being put on the back-burner of her life. The problem is that I have not been listening. In my mind I keep thinking she still loves me and maybe just maybe we can work things out. It certainly seems reasonable. However, I have come to the realization recently that the article is right. She has zero interest in going back to the way things were. Yes, we have seen each other. Yes, we have even gone on a couple of dates, without calling them that of course. However, I have had to initiate almost every interaction. My ex has yet to ask me to do one thing with her. If my ex wanted to be with me, she would. Plain and simple. I of course recognize this example is based on an extreme situation where the relationship has run its course. Obviously, there are more subtle situations not involving a break up, but perhaps more about indecisiveness. That is certainly a trickier spot.

I think for most people who are dating this advice would be good to at least consider. Does the other person exhibit the signs that they want to spend time with you? I find that when I am into someone I will do almost anything to make time. I will go without sleeping, eating, give up personal activities to be with them, change plans in some cases, etc. When you see signs that these kind of efforts are not being made it may be time to cut the cord. Some caution needs to be exercised here. Look, life can be hectic. Things do not always work out the way you want them to work out despite best intentions. I don't think this advice can be looked at in purely a short term perspective. I mean everyone has tough weeks. So the bottom line is you have to evaluate these things in the broader context. Is the person your dating doing other things to show you their interest level is there when they can't physically be with you? Perhaps a phone call, Skype, a loving text, sending flowers or just a card to let you know they are thinking about you. There are a lot of ways that someone can make the effort to show you they are with you even when they are not. So don't be too quick to judge in all cases. You will have to use some common sense.

I don't know. It all seems so simple when you think it about it in these terms. If they want to be with you, they will find a way. I mean you really can't get any more cut and dry then that. If only these darn emotions wouldn't warp logic and keep us from thinking clearly. Ha, ain't love grand? Perhaps, the below article really has the answer. Give your woman an orgasm and she is yours forever. At least until someone else does.

Relationship advice is like opinions...

Cargo Pants - Should guys still be wearing them?

It is always fun to look back at old fashion styles from bygone eras. If for no other than reason to mock those that were unfortunate enough to have pictures of themselves wearing clothes from that bygone era. Fashion is one of those things that is cyclical in nature. We have seen many examples of that over time. From bell bottom jeans to skinny jeans and a host of shoe styles such as cowboy boots and wing tip dress shoes. The list can go on and on. However, there are certain fashions that probably should stay buried. Recently, I have noticed a national debate on Facebook started as a result of some articles on Inside Hook and the Wall Street Journal concerning the wearing of cargo style pants. I have somewhat strong feelings on this as I was a wearer of cargo shorts (not the long pants) back in the mid to late 90's and into the early 2000's. I loved wearing them, but even for me there came a time when that had to stop.

Lets frame the issue before we move into the analysis. Cargo pants have been around since the 1940's in one form or another and were originally made to fit a military need for more storage space that didn't involve a backpack or utility belt. Flash forward to the 1990's where teen retailers like Abercrombie and Fitch and Gap ignited a renewed sense of enthusiasm for the roomier and bulkier pants. This was primarily a style related passion for the most part, although one can make the argument that as cell phones became ubiquitous, a need for a larger pocket could be seen as a valid reason. Whatever the reasons that men started to buy them, this fad lasted well into the 2000's until about 2007 or so when the backlash in the fashion industry really started up.

The interesting thing I have learned from this debate is that cargo shorts sales declined for the first time in a decade over this past year! Hold the phone!! Seriously? How can that be? Do I see guys wearing cargo shorts still? I don't know if I have paid that close of attention. I live in an area where fashion is important to most and city life requires you to have at least some modicum of style to be accepted. So perhaps I am insulated from the areas where cargo shorts are still the norm. It is not outside the realm of possibility for those that still wear them to be clinging to a style that worked for them when younger. You see that in every generation. So this is not some new phenomenon. Guys tend to go with what they know in terms of fashion, even when what they know is so horribly out of date that they may as well wear a kick me sign on their back.

So the question is doctor, can a man wear cargo shorts/pants without the withering disapproving stares of people around them? Or perhaps a marriage ending ultimatum from their spouse? This issue has formed sides quickly and it is interesting to me how strongly people feel about this topic. Frankly, I had not thought about cargo shorts in a long time. I no longer own any. I am one of the believers that cargo shorts had their place and time in my life, but no longer. However, I can see the utility in wearing them when appropriate. So I guess I don't feel completely on one side or the other of the argument. Also it seems that today's cargo shorts are much more in line with current fashion trends. Gone are the big baggy style with the huge pockets. More current versions seem to be more slim and the pockets reasonable in size. In fact in a few examples the cargo style pockets just replace the in line pockets found in most shorts today. So its not like there is any extra storage capacity.

In my humble opinion, and by know means am I a fashion expert, but the only appropriate situation where cargo pants would be preferred is long walks where you may need easy access to certain items that you would normally carry around (keys, phone, wallet, sandwich) plus a few additional items related to your activity (bear spray, knife, cans of beer). This would include hiking, amusement park visits (especially with children which is why the need for beer is in play), and zombie apocalypse or some other world ending event where motorized transportation is no longer available. Other than that, there really is no NEED for which putting on cargo pants is acceptable. In fact, if you have any clothes that are older than 10 years in your current wardrobe cycle, you should probably get rid of them or store them in the attic until they come back into fashion. Even for a guy who is generally very fashion challenged, I understand the need to update my wardrobe every year with at least a few items of more current styling. I would not go out and buy cargo pants as part of the annual update.

Also, if you are single and ever hope to find a beautiful partner to live out your existence with, you should definitely not be wearing cargo pants. She will sense weakness and move in for the kill.

Look guys, I know. The shorts are comfortable, functional and are a better option than visiting the mall to find new shorts. However, do yourself a favor here and just put the cargo pants away. Go store them with all of the hiking gear that you always meant to use for hiking, but is actually collecting dust in the garage or attic. Furthermore, one can find many other options for carrying additional items that do not easily fit in your pockets. People have been walking around with backpacks for years. So lets leave the cargo pants in the 90's and move on to something far more serious, slim jeans! This advice could save your marriage.

Ice Tyrant goes to the movies - Suicide Squad 3D (UPDATED)

Seeing as this is my first movie review, I should likely lay out some ground rules. First, let me be quite honest and say that I don't go to many movies. Typically I will visit the movie theater only for bigger movies that I really want to see. The good news is that movie watching can be accomplished just as effectively (and more cheaply) at home. The experience is different, but not so much to impact my ability to review the film. Therefore I will review movies that I watch at home or in the theater. In order to keep the reviews concise and readable, I will review movies based on three factors that I consider to be critical to a movie's essence.

1) Story: Think plot. The what, where, why and how. Was it compelling? Did it tell a complete story? What was the intent of the story and did it accomplish its goal? The story being told through a cinematic experience is essential to determining whether it has any value. Without at least a coherent and interesting story line, most movies just do not matter. This is where the director and writers play the big role. Do they create a seamless storytelling experience?

2) Characters: In conjunction with a good story, the characters must have some appeal. They either need to be loved or hated or elicit some form of emotion from the viewers to matter. Also, the chemistry of the characters on screen is very meaningful. Do they fit in the puzzle in a way that facilitates the story being told? Each character generally serves a purpose and in some cases you may find that some of the characters do and other do not. How impacting are the performances by the actors portraying the characters? Have the characters been properly cast? Visual fit and appropriate verbal style can go a long way to making a character compelling or uninteresting.

3) Enjoy-ability: In the end, sometimes the sum of the pieces can be greater than the whole. When looked at by themselves, you may find the story or characters lacking yet you the movie was still enjoyable to watch. I call this the experience of the film. Special effects or cinematography can make up for deficiencies in other areas. This can be heightened by the type of film being watched, perhaps such as an animated film or action flick. This category is more about how you feel when you leave the theater or turn off the TV.

OK, with that out of the way, onto my first review.

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SUICIDE SQUAD - 3D

This movie is flat out boring. Let me just get that out there right away. It has too many holes, and is a mess. Frankly all one has to do is look at the reviews to figure out that there are tons of flaws. The movie has been consistently crushed in critic reviews. Here, Here, Here, and Here. Now listen, I will be the first to tell you that critical reviews of movies that are based in the sci-fi or comic book genres are generally unreliable for the true fan of those genres. Critics tend to miss the mark as to what makes movies like these good. So I usually take bad reviews with a grain of salt. However, the reviews for Suicide Squad are so universally horrific that its hard to ignore them. I mean when you see comments written like, "Suicide Squad amounts to an all-out attack on the whole idea of entertainment", you quickly realize that this has the potential for being really bad. Another major concern is the PG-13 rating. This movie should be Rated R. Period. Think Deadpool. I have heard rumors that the original version shot by the director was a little darker and more mature in feel. Apparently the studio then got hold of it and edited it to a PG-13 rating to allow for a larger market audience. This may help explain why the film felt so dis-jointed. If true, SHAME on you Warner Bros. You shall reap what you sow.

Lets get into my review shall we?

Movie Facts:

Director: David Ayer

Cast: Will Smith, Margot Robbie, Jared Ledo, Viola Davis among others.

Duration: 123 minutes

Story: Where to begin. The story of Suicide Squad is perhaps the worst part of the entire experience. It is all over the place. You feel somewhat confused, then ultimately bored by the end of the movie. Like you really don't care what happens. There is no sense of connection from scene to scene and it feels like the director is just slapping things together to make sure each character gets their moment in the sun. The comic book Suicide Squad brings together a D list ensemble of villains that appear throughout the DC comic universe in books like Batman, The Flash, Justice League, etc. However, none of the characters by themselves are really stars of the show. They just aren't meant to be that. The Joker, while an important character in the Suicide Squad universe, is really just an accompaniment to Harley Quinn. The Joker here is actually the best part of the movie for me, but that is primarily due to the very different style given to him by Jared Ledo. He is kind of side story though and ultimately not that important.

The plot revolves around the government's plan to create a secret team of meta-humans known as Task-Force X. They are assembled to combat the potential for other meta-humans going rogue and threatening the world. This all feeds off of the Batman v. Superman movie and the fears raised in that movie concerning Superman as an all powerful being. The weird thing here is that the ultimate enemy the Suicide Squad ends up fighting is a result of this government unit being unleashed from their maximum security prison. The Enchantress, aka June Moone, is mistakenly freed to wreck shop on the world through the rather standard trope that the government thinks they can control an all powerful being hell bent on world domination. Think again. The problem ends up being that The Enchantress just isn't that compelling of final boss character. Frankly, the fight between El Diablo and The Incubus is far more interesting than what happens between Suicide Squad and the Enchantress.

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The story feels contrived and far too lighthearted for a movie about a squad of serial killers trying to save the world. I think the director was going for something along the lines of Deadpool, but that is a totally different character and movie. They really are not similar in style or substance. The humor woven into the dialogue between the characters is just not very funny and adds nothing to the overall movie. The story here would have been better served in a darker more sadistic humor style. DC movies have been criticized for their lack of humor recently. However, you must remain true to the universe within which you are working. These characters can have moments, but I think the attempt was a little too on the nose and forced.

Characters: I want to love all of the characters in this movie. These are not characters that most casual fans of the DC universe will know much about. As a result these characters don't lend themselves to being central stars of a movie. They are villains that battle other DC universe super heroes. They often have one book or maybe a small series of books devoted to them as part of those larger comics. We have seen this before over on the Marvel side with Guardians of the Galaxy. That movie was successful because it did a good job of tying the characters together to make them compelling as a team. Suicide Squad is not as successful with doing this. The main issue here is that it always feels like each member is out for themselves, as suicidal maniacs tend to be, and where they have moments of camaraderie it feels forced and weird.

I really want to like Deadshot. He is the de facto leader of the Suicide Squad, but Will Smith just doesn't get me there. Deadshot is a mercenary. A gun for hire. Frankly, why would he care about these other maniacs who have no values or principles? I know, he is being led like a horse to water with the promise of seeing his daughter again, but just I don't believe the character as a leader in this instance. It feels forced and of no value to the plot. Will Smith delivers a mostly good performance, but the character's role just doesn't feel right. The most redeeming part here is Deadshot's back story. Which in and of itself is not terribly unique or interesting, but does provide a sense of emotional depth to the character.

The most interesting character in the Suicide Squad is Margot Robbie's Harley Quinn. The girlfriend of The Joker and nemesis of Batman. As part of her and Deadshot's back story, you do get some of Ben Affleck's Batman thrown in for brand continuity. However, if you have seen Batman vs Superman you already know that this isn't a value add. Robbie's Harley Quinn pulls off the visual aspect really well.

However, she only captures part of the crazy factor about Harley Quinn which is entirely rooted in her love for the Joker. What she really misses on is the conflicted side of Harley Quinn. The character is in love with The Joker and therefore must be slightly insane, but throughout the various story lines in the comic books, she has her moments of clarity and realization that The Joker is a cruel and wicked man who will stop at nothing to terrorize people. I do think the play between Jared Ledo's Joker and Harley Quinn is sufficient to give the viewer the flavor of their dysfunctional relationship. However, you definitely get the sense at the end that it really isn't all the important to the overall movie. It is just a side bar that pops up from time to time. Perhaps their relationship would be better fleshed out in a different movie altogether. 

The other characters are less important to the overall plot line and are played admirably by the cast of actors and actresses. Captain Boomerang, Katana, a brief appearance by Slipknot, Killer Croc, and El Diablo all have their moments. Honestly, El Diablo's character is by far the most compelling of this group. With his back story being that of a gang banger who can shoot fire out of his hands and in a fit of rage kills his family. He spends most of the movie on the sidelines as his guilt over what he has done overwhelms him. He eventually gets involved in the fighting towards the end and plays a pivotal role in the final battle in what is likely the best action sequence in the movie. Everyone else is just not very interesting. Especially in the humor department where the dialogue can just be plain bad. There were many times where a vulgar one liner was delivered and barely any laughter was heard in the theater. It was awkward in most cases. Side note: Do not bring children to movies like this. I mean what the heck is wrong with parents these days?!

The anti-hero, if you can call her that in this movie, is The Enchantress, played by Carol Delevigne.

 While the character gets some marks for style, there just isn't enough substance to the character. There is not enough time devoted to what makes her so evil and why she is doing what she is doing in the movie. The end scene where Suicide Squad faces off with her in final form could be the ending of any number of recent blockbusters, most comparably Ghost Busters. There just isn't really anything that makes you care about her defeat frankly. Even the sappy love story between Captain Flag and June Moone, the human host for The Enchantress, doesn't save this sloppy and indifferent boss battle.

All in all you really want to like these characters, but you just can't get invested. Such a shame. There is a ton of potential. But by the end of the movie it remains just potential.

Enjoy-ability: Well I think it's pretty clear that this movie just isn't that enjoyable. I actually dozed off a couple of times towards the end of the movie. This is usually when you are most invested in a movie. You want to see what happens. I really couldn't care less. The story is too much a hodge-podge and comes to end with an unsatisfying final boss battle and character wrap up. The worst part is the attempt at making the characters funny. There are only a few very funny lines or moments in this movie, despite the fact that the intent is to try and capture some of what made Deadpool and Avengers so great. The 3D aspect did nothing to save the movie or enhance it. The movie is dark and frankly at times it can be hard to tell what is happening. All it did was cost me more money which made me regret going to see the film even more. It's really a shame because I think that DC has the character base to be successful with these films, but it fails on so many levels by trying to be something it is not. Just like so many of Suicide Squad's predecessor films in the DC universe. Truly a shame.

8/8 UPDATE: So it seems that there must be a lot of people who enjoy watching bad movies. Perhaps the word hasn't gotten out yet, but Suicide Squad broke the opening weekend record at the box office for the month of August taking in an estimated $135 million. Crazy.  I assume that is largely due to the lack of any other highly anticipated movie opening this past weekend. The interesting thing will be to see how it continues to do over the next couple of weeks. My guess is that those numbers will fall fast based on reviews and word of mouth.

8/17 UPDATE: It has come out that Jared Ledo is so disappointed with the movie that he has not actually watched it nor does he plan to do so. He also claims to have been tricked into doing the movie in the first place, which seems a little disingenuous, but this is just one more nail in the coffin.