Just when you think... (updated)

There is one certainty that life has taught me over the years. Nothing is certain.
We as humans like to deal in absolutes. It's easier. Gray areas are confusing and inherently risky. I am no different. I like to know where I stand, even when the spot I stand on is a bridge over troubled water. However, learning to deal with the uncertainties in life is a necessary part of living. Sometimes there just isn't an easy answer for the question. Hell, just figuring out what the question is can be challenging. Occasionally, no matter how hard we try, we have to make choices without all the information. To blindly proceed into the unknown is a scary proposition to say the least. When faced with a challenge where the destination is uncertain, the key seems to be that one should always proceed with good intent. I know, I know. Sometimes the best intentions can lead to horrible consequences.

But, we cannot always control the outcome. In fact, I will make the statement that we have less control than we think we do. To proceed with noble and honest intent means that at least the journey will be founded upon something that we can believe in and trust. Even if the outcome turns out to be false or less than positive. The outcome is not the most important part. It is the journey itself that will be remembered.

I have faced uncertainty in my life. Real uncertainty. The kind that leaves you reeling and wondering if your life should even go on. The void that becomes your reality is truly a staggering precipice to find yourself standing at the edge of. When my wife passed away from cancer, I found myself staring at an uncertain future. I had no idea where my life would go next or how I would even summon the emotional energy to take a shower or eat. The courage that it takes to step forward without knowing where your foot will land is unknowable until you must summon it.

I found the courage and took the steps. The uncertain remained. No matter how far I have walked, it is still there. Mocking me for trying to defy it. I have continued to dare to defy it and in that defiance I found the only certainty that I could. I will not give up. I will not allow the unknown to deter me from my goals. I will continue to rise up and make the uncertain my own, even as it currently rains down upon me once again.

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 “As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.” ― Albert Einstein

 “What makes us leave what we love best? What is it inside us that keeps erasing itself When we need it most, That sends us into uncertainty for its own sake And holds us flush there until we begin to love it And have to begin again? What is it within our own lives we decline to live Whenever we find it, making our days unendurable, And nights almost visionless? I still don't know yet, but I do it.” ― Charles Wright, Littlefoot: A Poem

 “The unknown...the unforetold, the unproven, that is what life is based on. Ignorance is the ground of thought...The only thing that makes life possible is permanent, intolerable uncertainty: not knowing what comes next.” ― Ursula K. Le Guin